...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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