Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
