I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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