Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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