What did we do last night that was yellow?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
