just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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