I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have aggressive nipples.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
