someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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