FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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