Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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