Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
