allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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