Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
