This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
