Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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