You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
