Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
