Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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