so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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