even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
