i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
