Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
