we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
