Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
