Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
