You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
