That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
