A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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