You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
