I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
