I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
