i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize