i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
