also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
