Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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