watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
