nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
