my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
