Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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