it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
