His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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