He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize