he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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