Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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