he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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