I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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