Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
