He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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