and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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