You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
