she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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