Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
