We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
