I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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