I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
