6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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