I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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