yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
