It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
