I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
