From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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