apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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