you guys were way drunker than both of me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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