i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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