I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
