I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
