FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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