Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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