I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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