Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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