What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
