drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
