Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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