I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
