i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
